Monday, May 22, 2017

The Vegan

There are certain life choices and stances people take and one of those is veganism.  Now, I have no problem with vegans (apart from they make horrible brunch dates), but I certainly learned I can not date one.

The Vegan.  Our first date we met up at a cafe and he said he was going to be ordering the portobello burger, which sounded good but I was going to order the turkey burger.  He tells me he's a vegan and my response was, "well you may be, but I'm going to order the turkey burger."  We continued to have a great discussion though and talked about The Walking Dead for ages and it was an enjoyable evening.  Homeboy let me know his degree from biology had taken him from counting ants in a forest for science to growing weed for seemingly some pretty big deal. We didn't really get together again for a long time, think he had a little fling with his ex again and so on.  But randomly we started messaging one another, met up for a couple of lunch dates with his dog Pablo... Pablo Escobar... aka "Pabs".

Few keynotes for the story about The Vegan.  We met up for drinks on his birthday when I was out with my friend and he was with his roomie. During introductions, my friend casually says, "We've met." Vegan responds, "No we haven't."  She insists "You look very familiar."  He shoots me a glance as I'm wanting to die where I'm stood and says, "I guess I must look like alllllll the others, have a type?"  Later on through further conversation, we find out that he and my friend had actually matched on a dating app previously and that was why he "looked familiar".  His friend sober drove while the other three of us got rather drunk, dropped us off at her place in midtown, and I was sent away with a simple kiss by the outside stairwell.  Time went by and we'd randomly message between his farming deals (ha, "farming").  Then summer came around and we started seeing each other more frequently following what I will say shamelessly, a very very late night random hook up. We began having more brunch dates, a dog date--in which my dog attempted to kill Pabs... straight for the jugular, that's my girl.  The Vegan was not impressed, but it was most certainly his fault by asking her to retrieve his toy.  He came over for a brunch I'd hosted with friends and as I've previously mentioned, vegans make shit brunch dates.  I found vegan bacon, guys... vegan bacon, and I also made vegan pancakes specially for him.

He was a good conversationalist guys, but extremely opinionated I soon found out.  The last keynote of The Vegan is that he was this close (pretend you can see my thumb and forefinger nearly touching)... this close to convincing me to buy property to grow weed on so that one day I could have a beach house. POINT IS, I didn't.  I'll be honest, I'm not really 100% sure what happened, the more time spent with him the more interest I lost.  It's one thing to smoke weed, it's another to be constantly high, and another to be doing some rather shady shit.
I think once I had eaten some meat and cheese my brain may have come to while he was away on a farming crisis and I just decided the lucrative vegan life wasn't for me .... and continued on swiping left and right.

Moral to this story is, don't date a vegan... Pretty sure it's bad for your health

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